


you and i got lost in it

by redstainedtoes



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, How Do I Tag, Luke Patterson Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), M/M, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), im only picking my favorite songs, is this how you tag, leave me alone, these characters are why im bi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:33:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redstainedtoes/pseuds/redstainedtoes
Summary: our golden lives intertwine like our calloused fingers that trace over the connections we made in the midst of our perfect little mess.in which i connect my favorite songs to julie and the phantoms characters and moments
Relationships: Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Luke Patterson, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 67





	1. i'd do it all again

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, this is my first fic so i hope you like it!!!

_stuck in the jet wash_

_bad trip i couldn't get off_

  


"we're gonna be legends," luke had said, heart beating in sync with his bandmates, his family. they all looked at each other with something behind their eyes that could only be described as electric. they had all become lightning and the energy was bouncing between them accompanied by words that shouldn't have been left unspoken.

  


_and maybe i bit off more than i could chew_  


_  
_

"street dogs?" 

two heads nodded in agreement.

  


_and overhead of the aqua blue_  


_  
_

a strange feeling overcame the three of them as they looked back at bobby. bobby, their brother and friend that couldn't bother to come out for a celebratory dinner with them. maybe that feeling was a different shade than what they were used to, looking forward to what was to come while still wishing a few things were different.

  


_fall to your knees, bring on the rapture_  


_blessed be the boys time can't capture_

_  
_

they walked so close to each other that their shoulders would brush together, sparks shooting from the point of contact in shared excitement. maybe they had come too close to the fire they had started in their pounding hearts but none of it really mattered because, even though alex hated cliches, they really were on top of the world.

  


_on film or between the sheets_  


_i always fall from your window to the pitch black streets_

_  
_

their breaths were laced with hope and their blood infused with love, and their shaking hands found each other as they practically vibrated where they sat, not bothering to look at the missing person poster just above luke's head. they had been found by each other, so all the loss that came to them in waves had receded, only leaving minor scratches in the wake of polluted pasts.

  


_and with the black banners raised as the crooked smiles fade_  


_  
_

something was off. something pounded on the inside of their heads, screaming "this is wrong" in a deafening chorus. but they ignored it like they always did. they ignored it until the color drained from alex's face.

  


_former heroes who quit too late_  


_  
_

that something wrong stained luke's lips with something red that they all hoped to god wasn't his, and that something left a metallic taste in reggie's throat and that something made alex's chest go tight.

  


_we just wanna fill up the trophy case again_  


_  
_

all they wanted was each other, what they knew they needed since day one. what their hearts ached for since they had taken their greyscale sadness and come together until they were a masterpiece that they couldn't be when alone. all they wanted was to prove that they were worth something, that their heads weren't in the clouds but instead looking up at something greater than themselves echoing in the sunset.

  


_and in the end_  


_i'd do it all again_

_  
_

"one life, no regrets" took on a whole new meaning as sirens echoed in the distance and they wished that they were clueless, that those ear-shattering noises weren't coming for them. alex doubled over, eyes closed so tightly as if tears falling out would make it all real. no, it was just some freakish nightmare, at least that was what reggie told himself when luke started to rub circles on his friend's back, but instead began coughing violently like there were knives stuck in his throat.

  


_i think you're my best friend_  


_and don't you know that the kids aren't all_

_kids aren't alright?_

_  
_

they wouldn't take any of it back, not a second that they spent with each other was wasted. the love they felt for each other was stronger than ever as they watched each other in horror and red flashes became brighter and brighter as the ambulances came too close to deny what was happening.

  


_i'm yours_  


_when it rains it pours_

_  
_

tears finally spilled over like the waves that one day they had all gone to the beach to sit in each other's company. as they watched the tides in the distance they knew they would always be just as close as they were in that moment, tangled together until they felt everything as one.

  


_stay thirsty like before_  


_  
_

luke refused to let go of alex as he was being dragged over to a stretcher. when he heard a loud exhale then nothing else from his friend he screamed. he screamed at the sky for dooming them to become nothing more than twisted memories of something that could have been and lost love stories that were never written. he screamed and screamed and refused to let go of the pink fabric in his hands until he collapsed onto the pavement and reggie could only watch.

  


_and don't you know that the kids aren't all_  


_  
_

reggie couldn't move. when they told him they would never leave him he had believed it with his whole full heart and never even imagined something so cruel as this pulling them away from each other. he missed them already. he missed them so much that it made his chest ache even more as his breathing was becoming more and more labored. he allowed the strangers to bring him over to a stretcher, convincing himself that maybe he would see them again. and then reggie let go.

  


_kids aren't alright?_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOT ME HEARING SIRENS IN THE DISTANCE WHILE I WROTE THIS  
> song- the kids aren't alright by fall out boy  
> (i used to cry to it in seventh grade leave me alone)  
> i am so sorry for that angst right off the bat i promise the next chapter will be more fluffy


	2. tell me how you really feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised, a much happier chapter! i love this song cause it really does remind me of willie/alex

_i watched you through your window_

alex had been wandering hollywood for a while now, eyes sometimes catching on happy couples that walked hand in hand on the pavement. he had been hoping to accidentally-on-purpose run into willie again just to see his face stretch into that perfect smile he had already etched into his brain. that was when he caught a glimpse of his maybecrush's hair inside a store window.

_i was wearing that dumb sweatshirt_

_i looked like a goon_

alex was wearing his signature pink hoodie and knew that sooner or later willie would notice him just standing there, so he did the only thing he could think of while drowning in the affection he felt for this boy. no, he didn't go say hello. he poofed inside and hid behind a shelf, not taking his eyes off the skater. that smile was on willie's face was so blinding that he was wondering why even the lifers in the room couldn't see him because willie was radiant as always.

_i was dressed for winter even though it was the middle of june_

willie was looking around the store, contemplating as if he could buy some of the items there. alex watched as he dragged his hand with all its bulky rings across the fabrics in front of him while mumbling the words to whatever song was playing over the speakers, and seeing him like this, so unaware of the eyes on him just being himself, set alex's heart on fire. 

_i watched you get undressed_

then alex watched as willie made an x with his forearms and pulled off the shirt he was wearing and suddenly there was a deafening pounding in alex's ears. willie looked around for lifers then grabbed a striped button-up shirt that looked like it was made of satin and pulled it on. alex had no idea why he was still watching but then willie had the audacity to unbutton the top three so that the shirt made a v-shape and revealed the very top of his chest and his collarbones. 

_i must have turned bright red_

_cause i couldn't stand to face you_

alex was very aware of his face turning pink in the mirror on the opposite wall so he didn't quite seem to register when willie also looked into that mirror, but suddenly whipped around and called his name.

"alex!" he was just present enough to freeze up, even though it took all his strength to not be mesmerized by the flowing hair before him. he tentatively stepped out as willie walked over to him, punching him lightly in the arm. "what're you doing here man?"

_cause i liked what i saw_

_maybe we should just stay friends_

alex was so far gone for this boy. they had walked out of the shop together, not breaking eye contact as the energy connecting them dared them to do something about it. thoughts and worries about what to say and what to do were interrupted by the feel of another hand grabbing his. he felt electricity sparking from every point where their hands touched and felt the cold metal that suddenly he wished wasn't there. once again, willie surprised him and teleported them onto an unknown rooftop.

_tell me how you feel about me_

_do you like or like like me?_

alex flailed his arms and nearly fell forward when he felt his friend's other hand grab his bicep and pull him to sit down. the sun was beginning to set, saturating the sky with shades that alex felt ignite inside him. those shades and his feelings for willie aligned and when the other boy looked at him fondly he knew that he would always remember this moment whenever he saw those colors. 

_tell me how you really feel_

suddenly that blinding smile was directed at him and alex felt every worry he had fly away as his heart became nothing but a puddle of love as it melted under willie's gaze. he knew he would regret it later when he inched closer until their hands were less than an inch apart, fingertips twitching like willpower was the only thing keeping them apart. they kept looking at each other with admiration stuck in their teeth and a thousand whispered words falling in line that they knew would change everything. but they didn't say those words because they weren't quite sure what they meant yet.

_do you like me?_

willie looked at him with something behind his dilated pupils as he carefully placed his hand on top of alex's slightly smaller one. willie's hands were warm and safe, but not nearly as warm as alex's face had once again become. but he said nothing because he didn't want to break this serene silence of the moment. willie was a color alex had never seen before and it left him wondering if he had ever truly seen until this moment, with the final lights of the day shining just for them.

_just say you do_

the tips of their tongues ached to say everything they were feeling, but they had always been better at actions. willie rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of alex's hand and all the words they had kept unsaid poured out into the sunset like they had released butterflies. but they did not look at the butterflies for they knew that the other boy would be able to see them too. they looked out at the fading sunset and knew that they could stay like this forever. they did have an eternity, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- like or like like by miniature tigers  
> literally the cutest song ever  
> also thank you guys SO MUCH for commenting i really appreciate it!!! :)


	3. too far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> featuring lesbian carrie

_found you when your heart was broke_

the first time they met carrie was crying. julie, being the angel she is, was the only one to notice. in fact, she was the first person to notice carrie. she was the first one to see past the flimsy layers built up over years of fear. julie did her best to break those layers, but there were so many more than she could have ever imagined, because what does an angel know about pain?

_i filled your cup until it overflowed_

carrie had looked at her like she had hung the stars just for the two of them, like the strings of lights that hung over their heads in julie's room. those four walls held all their secrets and silent moments spent searching for answers behind each other's eyes. sometimes carrie would look at julie and the golden aura that hung proudly around her, drawing in everybody around her but the only one she held close was carrie.

_took it so far to keep you close_

julie's hands were soft and always smelled of the lotion carrie had given her. she had seen the dahlias on the packaging and her mind instantly drifted to julie. her mind always drifted to julie because once you've seen an angel you never want to go back. julie's hands were warm when they had grabbed hold of her own in the school hallway. the line between them was so blurred that nobody seemed to understand the difference between friends and lovers. julie stood on the safe side of that line and carrie desperately wanted to pull her over to the other one. 

_i was afraid to leave you on your own_

julie's laugh was full of butterflies that flew down carrie's throat and settled in her stomach. it echoed in the studio as she sat on top of the piano and it reverberated in carrie's skull at night. julie smiled with lyrics behind her teeth and carrie almost lost track of her own love songs that scratched at her insides. who knew an angel could give and give and leave someone still wanting more?

_i said i'd catch you if you fall_

julie's halo cracked more and more as she made more and more visits to the hospital and carrie wanted nothing more than to hold it up for her. she settled on holding her hands that had become more and more shaky. her eyes settled on her smile that suddenly had less music shining through, and her magic laugh was suddenly harder to find.

_and if they laugh then fuck them all_

maybe there was a reason carrie kept protecting julie as she convinced herself that she wasn't losing her only friend. maybe there was a reason carrie finally started something of her own, maybe there was a reason julie looked hurt when she did it. 

_and then i got you off your knees_

_put you right back on your feet_

_just so you could take advantage of me_

everything was so messed up. the gold surrounding julie became a shade of grey and carrie missed the strings of lights and the nights they had shared together. she missed the warmth of julie's hands and the softness of julie's bed and she missed julie.

_tell me how's it feel_

_sitting up there?_

carrie still looked at julie like she had hung the stars in the sky, she was just better at hiding it now. julie's words were written under her skin and her laugh still clear in her mind. she saw julie regrowing her wings and carrie was almost happy for her. julie's voice was pouring out lyrics as she sang and carrie noticed the dahlia on her jacket and couldn't breathe. she looked at julie but their eyes did not meet because angels cannot look at devils.

_feeling so high but too far away to hold me_

it was like julie couldn't even see her anymore, and she knew deserved it. every arrow to her heart and mind she deserved because she had come so far without julie and she regretted every word she meant to keep to herself and every lie she said through her gritted teeth. she wished that julie would see the look in her eyes and bring her up on that stage but she had never been an optimist. 

_you know i'm the one who put you up there_

the worst part was that everything carrie had become was because of julie. her head was now held high because she had been taught by julie, soft hands lifting up her chin. her voice was shared now because of julie, who gave her the confidence to do so in the first place. so she hid it all behind shallow lyrics and frizzy wigs because julie had always taught her that music was meant to make connections, and carrie never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. angels can't pull people out of hell, can they?

_name in the sky_

_does it ever get lonely?_

she was so lonely that she ached for the weight of julie on her chest as they slept, she wanted to beg to be able to witness julie's magic just once more, she wanted to fall to her knees and scream everything she had been missing ever since her angel had left.

_thinking you could live without me_

carrie was on the edge of something awful while julie was on the edge of something great and they were once again on opposite sides of a line that seemed so much more solid than it once was. carrie was one step away from falling into her grave while julie was one step away from becoming who she was meant to be and it hurt. it hurt to see her keep going without someone who had once been her inspiration but was now just a pile of dust.

_baby i'm the one who put you up there_

_i dont't know why_

julie was so much better than ever before and maybe it was because carrie was gone. carrie was so much worse than she had ever been and maybe it was because julie was gone. carrie knew this would happen, that she would fall back into her old grey cycle while julie rose above earth because what does an angel know about pain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- without me by halsey  
> did you guys see that one performance of this song where she danced with a girl and it was mostly acoustic cause it gave me chills man  
> also thanks for all the kudos!


	4. write our names in the wet concrete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUKE TIME BAYBEE

_i was just an only child of the universe_

julie was floating through space, hair catching on broken glass and remains of connections that once were. the stars in her eyes no longer reflected the ones before her and the lack of oxygen was suffocating. loss filled her veins and she was lost in the infinite emptiness she had once loved.

_and then i found you_

but a warm hand found hers and she was suddenly being pulled out of her nightmare. she was able to breathe again only to forget how once more when luke's passionate eyes were focused on her.

_you are the sun and i am just the planets_

_spinning around you_

ever since luke had witnessed her sing for the first time, he was constantly in her orbit. he looked at her and wished that he could witness her magic even more but she was just too far out of reach, even if they weren't so star-crossed.

_you were too good to be true, gold-plated_

she was too ethereal to touch. this broken world did not deserve her or her beauty and neither did he. so he sat there, admiring from afar and watching as she lit up every room she walked in and every heart she touched.

_but what's inside you_

but only the two of them looked past thin layers of faked perfection and saw the true light that lay silent in their beating hearts, just waiting for a moment to come out and make the world a little brighter together.

_i know this whole damn city thinks it needs you_

unfortunately other people noticed julie too. it started as subtle looks and smiles directed towards her that made luke wish he could keep her to himself. julie wished she could accept the compliments and smiles without thinking of him as his warm presence filled her senses.

_but not as much as i do_

late nights in the studio exposed their wrists, bruised from constantly catching themselves on life's pavement. their throats were raw from singing their pain to each other until their voices were lost somewhere in their chest and there was nothing left but a comfortable silence and a tension between them.

_cause you're the last of a dying breed_

there was nobody else like luke. luke with his passion and his lyrics and the notes ringing in his chest. there was nobody that could compare to julie. julie with her magic and her voice and her love and her empathy and god luke could go on forever about her.

_write our names in the wet concrete_

they wanted to preserve whatever they had forever until their lyrics faded and all that was left was their love for each other. it was an unspoken agreement between them that their entwined fingers would hold on for as long as possible until their knuckles were red and raw.

_i wonder if your therapist knows everything about me_

the only words they could produce were about each other and so those words sat under their tongues because if it all poured out then maybe whatever this was would end all too soon. maybe whatever this was wasn't as real as they thought it was. so they held on to every letter as they looked into each others eyes.

_i'm here in search of your glory_

onstage they were a tornado of swirling emotions dancing around each other, not getting close enough to get swept up just yet. the microphone between them seemed more of an obstacle than a tool as their music poured out in sync.

_there's been a million before me_

they were not each other's firsts. julie was not the first one that luke noticed but she made him wonder if he had really loved anyone at all before her because he would die again before he would lose her and she would die to protect him. 

_that ultra kind of love you never walk away from_

it was all so perfect when they could touch each other and a new line of love fell into place on the page every time they merely brushed against each other but it was all too sweet and perfect. maybe whatever they had was worth waiting an eternity.

_you're just the last of the real ones_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- the last of the real ones by fall out boy  
> anti-cheesecakers rise what the FUCK is going on with jatp tumblr we're a mess lmao


	5. golden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't planning on doing more luke for a while but i had An Idea

_how cruel is the golden rule?_

everything that luke once was lies shattered on the floor of the studio, shards of youth left on the couch and stuck between the strings of his guitar. all the callouses on his hands ignore the pain as he strums away to some new song born of empty hope. alex sees the blood on the neck but he does not say a word, and reggie sits comfortably on a chair he never uses.

_when the lives we lived were only golden plated?_

his pen drags holes in the paper until he is writing on another page behind it full of replaceable songs of a love he never knew. his vision is blurred and he can see past his red-stained fingers and he wonders if maybe he is fading away. those are the kinds of things you think when you haven't slept in days but you can't stop throwing everything you blame yourself for at the pages of your notebook.

_and i knew the lights of the city were too heavy for me_

he carries the weight of his guilt and longing upon his broad shoulders but he tries his best to stand up straight. some days his guitar is too heavy and the red painted on his hands and his strings is too bright and he has to sit down, and other days he is able to forget for a while and feel like a little kid again in the presence of people that never notice a difference.

_though i carried carats for everyone to see_

luke was born a performer. ever since he'd picked up a guitar applause ran through his veins and adrenaline fed into his heart. he just never thought that it would carry over into the endless cycle of his everyday life. alex called it a schedule. luke called it torture. but he would never say that. reggie said he would always notice but he never did. but he would never say that. the show must go on, right?

_and i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies_

luke was stuck on music like it was a drug and everything around him faded out. he would sit there at his notebook until he felt the sun warm his back and it was almost like he could feel again. sometimes he would tune out his friends just to have another empty page a few hours later with papercuts on his hands and heart.

_and all the lovers with no time for me_

everything he used to be was broken. every love note he had once received had been sloppily written into another song then burned once they left. they always left because they couldn't see the red-hot passion that laid behind bloodshot eyes and red stains.

_and all of the mothers raised their babies to stay away from me_

had he become a monster? was the faded remains of his journal all that was left of him? or did he have a chance at coming back to life? even if he did, would he still be looked at with questioning stares and fear in their eyes? would they be willing to lay aside the questions in their eyes to help him breathe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- golden by fall out boy  
> im proud of this chapter what do you think?


	6. falling down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad bobby time cause i'm sad  
> also this one's probably gonna be shorter sorry

_c'mon, c'mon_

bobby was never one to overlook details. he had always noticed small things that many others would typically gloss over, like the type of clouds in the sky and the shades of the sunset. but his fragile heart was too thin to think about the future, or bitter lack of. 

_with everything falling down around me_

everything around him was left shattered and for the first time he was alone. his vision was clouded with luke's blinding smile, his ears could only hear reggie's laughter, and he could only feel alex's touch on his skin. for the first time he was left alone to deal with the ringing in his head that sounded oddly like a guitar echoing in an empty studio. everything he knew was thrown around until the sky was no longer the one he recognized from late nights under the stars, and his fingertips bled out every unwritten lyric.

_i'd like to believe in all the possibilities_

maybe this was fate. maybe they were better off without him. he had taken his boys for granted one time too many and he was left behind to pick up the pieces of his own guilt that laid next to luke's shattered past on the couch and alex's splintered drumstick. blood stuck to his hands until he was convinced that it was not his own but instead the remains of something that was somehow his fault. he didn't wash his hands for days.

_try not to mistake what you have with what you hate_

bobby never overlooked details, but this time he wasn't thinking clearly enough to see the bolded words of his contract and echoed luke's smile as his pen met too-white paper. maybe they would hate him, wherever they were, or maybe the papercuts on his skin would convince them that he was just as broken as they were. whatever it was, he didn't mean for it to happen this way. 

_it could leave come the morning_

he reached out into thin air with his own shaking fingers as he built everything he had broken back up again. the notebooks in the back of his drawer called out his name in the middle of the night as he slept in a room he didn't deserve. were there songs written about him? could he believe that he meant enough to have an overgrowth of words on a page that all came together and flourished without him?

_celebrate the night, it's the fall before the climb_

they had always gone through pain together, sticking their hands into fire when one of them got burnt. bobby's feet were sore from standing while all he wanted to do was fall to the ground and bruise his knees as red-hot emotion poured out of him. songs that were never meant for him became his property so he took a match to the pages he didn't deserve to see. maybe one day he would find his unsaid words, too.

_shall we sing until the morning?_

they had screamed from the rooftops until their lungs collapsed in the salty wind and the scars on their backs had faded. maybe the stars would have mercy on bobby because he had spoken to them once before when he had begged for a future for all of them. now the only future he had wasn't his own, but the remnants of a dream that once was.

_and if i fall forward, you'll fall flat_

could you be sick for a home that was never your own? was it fair that he wanted to go back to the room and clear out all the dense regret that hung in the air? he wasn't sure he would let himself, so he bled out onto his pillow until the color was new.

_and if the sun should lift me up_

would it be worth it if he wanted to see them again? he desperately wanted to restart in another time, maybe even go with them so he wouldn't be doomed to an eternal loneliness that he could never deny that he had chosen. missing people is a strange thing when it consumes you.

_would you come back?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- c'mon by panic at the disco and fun


	7. take on the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck i wish i had something like this

_just say the word_

climbing up was difficult, scratching their palms on brick and stone but not minding a little bit of pain. luke pulled reggie up last and they all found their footing on the roof under their feet.

_we'll take on the world_

a gasp was caught between the four of them as fondness bled into their lungs and filled every breath they took while they looked at each other. they weren't afraid of falling because either they would be caught or they would go out feeling on top of the world. maybe they should pay more attention to their lack of fear of death, but they were too busy thanking the moon for shining a spotlight on them.

_just say you're hurt, we'll face the worst_

they looked over the lights of the city and felt in the very depths of their hearts that it could all become theirs. their inability to take no for an answer would get them to ride on top of the crest of the wave, sparkling with more than just a reflection in the sunset. but it was dark now and it looked like the stars were laid out before them.

_nobody knows you the way that i know you_

their hands linked and fireworks erupted in the distance. alex gave a breathy laugh at the unbelievable perfection of the moment and the air carried the sound out into the night, calling out to everyone and everything that knew of happiness such as this.

_look in my eyes, i will never desert you_

reggie squeezed the hands of luke and bobby in a silent "i love you" that hung in the night sky above the four of them. the stars echoed it back until it was engraved on their hearts and consumed their every thought. something about the night threw them up into the sky with no crash in sight, just inevitable happiness and the feeling of being wanted.

_and just say the word, we'll take on the world_

luke broke the chain of hands and took a step forward, looking down at the lights then up to the sky. luke began yelling out to whoever or whatever was listening, grinning like he was home and feeling like he was invincible. he squeezed his eyes shut and kept going, screaming out no words but conveying everything he knew was stuck in his throat.

_we'll fight, we'll crawl into the night_

alex tentatively took a step forward and joined him, letting loose everything they had ever sloppily written into songs into the stinging cold. reggie came up next to them, going for it right away and losing himself in the way he could do whatever he wanted. bobby was the last and completed their rough, splintered harmony and their wave came crashing into the sand and they were content.

_i won't let go with you by my side_

they screamed at the sky until their throats were sore and they cut it off, panting but never having felt more free. fuck everything else, they had each other, right? that was this moment. that was what they were here for, to feel that connection they had taken for granted all too often and it felt good. they were good.

_the calm, the storm, we'll face it all_

the lyrics from luke's heart and the rhythm from reggie and alex and the perfectly matching harmony from bobby all combined and a feeling of completion overwhelmed them suddenly, like they had just realized that they were each other's missing pieces of the puzzle.

_and just say the word_

the adrenaline levels of all of them were so high they could probably walk off the roof and start flying. instead reggie rested his head on alex's shoulder and luke wrapped his arms around his bandmates. the touch made them all feel alive, like they had never lived until this moment. it was all for them, they lived for each other and they would die before leaving each other alone to watch over the night sky.

_we'll take on the world._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- take on the world by you me at six


	8. take away the pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SUCH A WILLEX SONG YOU DON'T GET TO DISAGREE

_i'll run my fingers through your hair_

alex was absentmindedly playing with willie's hair as they spoke in soft voices like somebody other than their four walls could listen in on their scene. it was something straight out of a love story, alex thought, minus the straight part. the brunette below him was fighting sleep because something about alex made willie feel so safe and comforted.

_and watch the lights go wild_

lightning flashed in the window behind them and momentarily lit up the dark room they were in. that lightning carried into their hearts and electrified every moment the two of them spent together as alex began to hum some love song that was never played.

_just keep on keeping your eyes on me_

willie turned himself around on the floor to look up at alex with wide eyes, struggling to not lay himself bare for this boy that made his heart begin to beat again. alex gasped and they just looked at each other, a million questions traveling up their spines and leaving chills on their skin.

_it's just wrong enough to make it feel right_

doing this, just the two of them, felt like a silent rebellion against everybody that ever looked at them with hate and fear in their eyes. the love in the room was so strong that it was as if one of them could reach out and touch it, but neither of them broke the comfortable quiet of the two of them.

_and lead me up the staircase_

willie's eyes lit up with an idea and he stood and grabbed alex's hand, dragging him out of the room and up the stairs of the apartment. alex mentally questioned why he loved this guy so much until he recognized the sensation of their hands tangled together. a warmth erupted in his chest as they went up and up.

_won't you whisper soft and slow?_

they burst through the door and ended up on the roof and into the rain. willie's hair fell into his face as he grabbed alex and began to twirl him around, bouncing with excitement and adrenaline. alex threw his head back and laughed and he had never heard a sound so beautiful.

_i'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show_

he twirled him out then grabbed his other hand and pulled him back in. alex was still laughing, but he felt the lightness of their mood change into something more important and he stopped, still grinning like the idiot he always claimed he wasn't.

_drop everything now_

their faces were so close that they could feel each other's warm breath on their lips, contrasting the cold of the night. lightning struck somewhere in the distance and alex let out a breathless laugh, unsure of what do do next.

_meet me in the pouring rain_

they were both soaking by now, but they didn't seem to care because affection was dripping off them like a melting sunset anyway. willie's hands were still holding alex's and his breath was taken away from out of his lungs

_kiss me on the sidewalk_

in a moment of bravery, willie pushed himself up on his toes and pressed his lips to alex's. it was a firework erupting in them and it was warm and it was perfect. he smiled when he felt a warm hand come up to cup his cheek and he placed a hand on alex's bicep and everything felt right. 

_take away the pain_

they broke apart all too soon and pressed their foreheads together, gazing into each other's eyes fondly, alex's eyes flicking down to willie's lips a few times. it was impossible to imagine that their feelings weren't unrequited, that they wanted each other and deserved it, too. nothing could have prepared them for what they were feeling.

_cause i see sparks fly_

for so long they had been dancing around their feelings but their feelings were revealed because of dancing this time. they could finally breathe in and out and believe they deserved it because there was finally somebody that saw them and loved them for who they were. the reality of the situation dawned on them and alex moved back a bit, laughing. willie joined in and god he loved seeing alex smile. they tangled their fingers once more and sat on the edge of the rooftop, lost in each other.

_whenever you smile._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- sparks fly by taylor swift


	9. young god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW he dies very sadly
> 
> i have a love-hate relationship with this song  
> anyway merry christmas guys!

_oh, baby girl, you know we're gonna be legends_

luke's words echoed in the back of his mind as he fell. what would luke think of this moment? maybe he was already here, waiting to catch him. 

_i'm the king and you're the queen and we'll stumble through heaven_

alex had been through heaven and hell, walked through flames with his friends to stand out looking at the city below. but this time they weren't there to see him. the wind rushed past his ears and filled his mind.

_if there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes_

alex thought of every moment he had. the way luke would craft a smile just for him, the way reggie's eyes would share a million untold stories, the way bobby would hug him, sending sparks flying everywhere. the way the sun would set on his bandmates as the final lights of the day stretched between them into lyrics that would find their way to their voices. memories scrambled to reach the surface in the seconds that alex had to keep them all.

_i know you wanna go to heaven but you're human tonight_

maybe, alex thought, he was never meant to be here in the first place, and every knife to the heart was for nothing. but whether or not it was meant to turn out like this, it was all worth it.

_and i've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool for a while now_

_drowning my thoughts out with the sounds_

his heart screamed at him everything he had done wrong, everything he would never be able to turn around and go back to. the mirror in front of his eyes shattered and let him bleed out because clearly this wasn't enough and he deserved so much worse. 

_but do you feel like a young god?_

alex had stopped breathing at this point because maybe he his lungs would collapse before he did, and he wouldn't have to suffer through this. he wanted to get it over with because he couldn't stand another second thinking of all the could have been.

_you know the two of us, we're just young gods_

he remembered the way luke's lips felt on his skin before they were simplified to nothing more than friendship. his skin itched at every point his friends had once made contact, and he felt phantom pain where he had been bruised from being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.

_and we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath_

falling, flying, what's the difference when you land on the ground no matter what you do? what does it feel like to soar up instead of sink lower? where had the wind gone that was drowning out his thoughts because everything was too loud, too much.

_and we'll be running, running, running_

every moment, every wish, every dream, every "what if" threw themselves at him as he hear nothing but the wind surrounding him. loneliness was all he had ever really felt, and just when he had become a part of something greater than himself, he would once again be alone. maybe alex deserved it.

_again_

he hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song- young god by halsey


End file.
